Since their arrival as part of the 2025 cohort, an overwhelming number of questions have arisen about the radical awesomeness—and sometimes strangeness—of Derek Moran and Enrique Mercado. Why doesn’t Derek ever get cold, even in the winter? Is he stronger without shoes? What is he doing in the woods at night by himself? How is Enrique everywhere and nowhere at the same time? How does he know literally everyone? And how is it possible that these two seemingly opposite personalities have developed a ride-or-die brotherhood?
In this study, we propose a novel explanation for these qualities, as well as sufficient observational evidence to support the theory. We begin by considering the mutual background of the parties in question—namely, a history in the CSU math department—and follow this train of thought to its natural conclusion: are these two actually graduate students, or are they something more?